Quil's Guilt
by Roses in May
Summary: When Claire pushes the boundaries of their relationship too far, Quil struggles with what everyone will think of him, and what he thinks of himself.


**I don't own it, I'm just borrowing it.**

**So this is a slightly revamped version of this story, though the plot has not changed at all.**

**And now it's been re-edited again because I found some boo boos and they were bugging me. That is all.**

* * *

"Quil!"

Quil Ateara started at the shout. For a moment he forgot where he was and a slight panic set in. It took him a moment to register his surroundings through sleep blurred eyes. As he became more focused, he realized he was sitting in his car in the Forks High School parking lot. The panic dissipated and he blinked rapidly several times, his eyes adjusting to the gray light streaming through the windshield of his old Toyota. He shook his head in an attempt to clear the cobwebs and looked up into the amused face of his imprint, Claire Ortecho. She was leaning into his open window, her arms folded against the door frame of his car.

"I startle you?" Claire smiled.

"Hey, sorry I must have dozed off," Quil croaked. He coughed and tried to clear the frog from his throat.

"Late night?" Claire asked with an amused smirk.

"Yeah, it was a little late I 'spose," he grunted. He struggled in the small confines of his car to sit up. He vigorously scrubbed his face with his hands in an attempt to wake himself up.

"Look, I have to help Mrs. Philips really quick, but I won't be more than ten minutes, I promise. I just didn't want to not show up and have you get all freaked out."

Quil dropped his hands and frowned. "I don't freak out," he said, offended.

Claire's eyes widened and she raised her eyebrows. "You don't freak out? Last week I had Mason Dixon Line practice and you stormed into the auditorium looking like a total psycho basket case because I forgot to tell you. Mrs. Philips wanted to call the cops."

Quil gave her a pout. "Mrs. Philips sounds like an ass. I was just worried," he muttered.

"Yeah well you should be worried. Mrs. Philips thinks you're a nutcase. Do you know she actually pulled me aside the other day and asked if you "touched" me inappropriately."

Quil nearly slid off his seat in horror. "She what? I don't…..I never….what the hell….," he sputtered while trying to pull himself upright again.

"Quil, calm down. I told her you were totally legit," Claire said with a wink.

"I AM LEGIT!" Quil hollered.

Claire backed away from the window at Quil's outburst. "I know, I know," she reassured him. "This is the freaking I'm talking about. You have got to calm down. Next thing you know, you'll be teen wolfing out on me. Look I have to go back in, just wait for me, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Quil mumbled.

Claire handed Quil her backpack through the car window and began to jog towards the school's entrance.

"Two minutes I swear!" She called over her shoulder.

Quil watched her retreating figure. His gaze wandered down from her back, to her shapely hips, to her ass. He cocked his head to side and watched as her jog caused her skirt to flip up with each step.

Suddenly he realized what he was doing, and shook his head, disgusted with himself. "I am legit," he repeated to himself. With a groan he heaved Claire's backpack onto the backseat and slumped back down, and settled in to wait for her to return.

* * *

During the drive home Claire was bending Quil's ear about school. She was fourteen, a freshman and couldn't be more excited about it. School had only been in session for three weeks, but she had already made the show choir, Mason Dixon Line - which in Quil's opinion was the stupidest name for a choir based in Washington - and pep squad. The latter made Quil uneasy because once a week on football game days, Claire wore her cheerleading uniform to school all day. He wasn't thrilled about her parading around in a skirt that barely covered anything in front of a high school full of horny teenage guys.

Thinking of her cheerleading uniform caused Quil's mind to wander toward other skirts including the one she was currently sporting. This skirt didn't leave much to the imagination either. It was a black and white plaid pleated mini, and with one leg tucked under her on the seat, it wasn't hiding a whole lot. Quil was trying desperately to keep his eyes on the road, but they kept betraying him by straying over to Claire, roving over the dark, smooth skin of her legs.

"Quil?"

Quil jerked his eyes away, guilt flooding through him.

"Are you even hearing a thing I'm saying?"

Quil glanced over and saw Claire eyeballing him, her arms crossed, an impatient glare on her face.

"Hmm? Oh yeah, totally," he answered.

"Oh my God you aren't even," Claire declared in disgust. "What did I just say?"

"You said 'am I hearing anything you're saying'." Quil responded, trying to laugh off his discomfort.

Claire threw her hands into the air. "Forget it." She sat back in her seat and stared out her window.

Quil closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This was getting bad. He was beginning to feel like a disgusting pervert. Just because Claire was his imprint, it did not give him the right to ogle her like a sick pedophile. His head swam with shame and guilt. He opened his eyes and looked over at Claire again.

He realized he was staring again, but couldn't seem to help himself. Claire had grown up so much in the last couple of years, it had caught him off guard. One day she was his 'little sister' and now…..now he found himself lost in thoughts about her eyes, her lips.

With a sigh, Quil refocused on the road. "I'm sorry; I just have a lot on my mind." He said quietly. _Yeah, like how I need serious therapy_.

Claire looked at him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Quil's eyes widened. "With you?" The idea of talking to her about this was horrifying.

Claire frowned. "Well you don't have to sound so appalled at the notion. I was just trying to help!" she snapped.

Quil's face twisted in a grimace. "No, it's not that I don't want to talk to you about it, I just….." he trailed off helplessly. How could he even begin to tell her that what he had on his mind was _her_? No, not just her, she was always on his mind, had been since she was two, but her on his mind in horrible ways that he had no business even thinking about, let alone saying aloud.

"Whatever, like I even care," she grumbled.

Quil felt an ache in his chest at her words. "Claire-bear you know I tell you just about everything. But this…..I just can't okay? Can you understand that?" His voice had a pleading tone, which he hated, but he also couldn't stand for her to be upset with him, not even for one second.

Claire looked at Quil, saw the agony on his face and relented. "It's okay. You don't have to tell me everything. You are entitled to a private life."

"No, I'm sorry. I was being totally rude. You were telling me about school. Finish, I promise I'll really listen this time."

Claire smiled. She reached over and squeezed Quil's hand.

Quil gave her a small smile and squeezed her hand back.

* * *

The problem Quil was having had only begun within the last few weeks. Actually more accurately the day Claire started high school. He had gotten off of work at 1:00, dropped by Sam and Emily's to find out if he was needed to patrol that night, and then stopped off at the small house he shared with Seth and Embry to pick up his battered Toyota. He preferred to walk most places, mainly because most cars couldn't accommodate his bulk. He wasn't the tallest in the pack by far, topping out at about six five, but he weighed the most by far at nearly two hundred and sixty pounds. The weight was all muscle, from his massively wide chest, to his large arms and thighs. He sometimes envied the leaner guys in the pack, his bulk often slowed him down during a chase, but in the long run he appreciated the extra strength it gave him during fights.

Uncomfortably scrunched into the Japanese sub-compact, Quil had driven into the high school parking lot, his eyes searching the crowds of students, until he had spotted Claire. She was standing surrounded by a group of girls, but a few guys lingered on the fringes of the circle. Quil's eyes had narrowed when he had seen the way the guys were looking at Claire, _his Claire_, lust clearly etched on their faces. It had caused a snarl to bubble up from his chest, surprising him how loud it was in the small confines of the car. His eyes had widened in shock at the unusual reaction.

It wasn't that he hadn't seen guys notice Claire before, but that had been middle school. The kids there had barely registered on his radar. Small in pipsqeakish ways, they posed no threat to him or Claire, and since Claire never showed the slightest interest in their attentions, he had merely laughed to himself at the pathetic looks they gave her. But high school guys, these high school guys, were big. Not big like himself, or any one of the pack, but big compared to Claire. They were older, some even older than him in a weird way. While physically he was still sixteen, these guys were in fact seventeen and even eighteen in some cases. Technically - if you wanted to get technical, which Quil never wanted to do - he twenty-eight. However, since he hadn't aged in over twelve years, he was perpetually sixteen. It made him feel better to think that way. At least it had until he had seen Claire surrounded by lusting high school jocks.

Claire had seen his car pull up and bounded over, bubbling with excitement about her first day of high school. She had chattered away on the drive home, the whole while Quil grinding his teeth at any mention of a male name. It wasn't so much that he was worried about Claire dating. She had known of the imprinting for years, as soon as she was capable of comprehending exactly what it had meant for her, and she had accepted it without question. Quil had always told her there was no pressure from him. She was free to live her life as she chose, so long as it was safely, and he would always be there for her, be whatever she needed him to be, but hearing these unfamiliar male names flowing from her lips had twisted his stomach into horrible, cramping knots. Quil had never thought of Claire in a romantic way until that day in his car, when he realized that the wolf wasn't the only beast inside him. There was another, possibly more horrible monster fighting its way out and its name was jealousy.

That evening, back at home, Quil had been sitting in the living room brooding over the mixed emotions running through him. Seth and Embry, noticing his conflicted attitude, gave each other knowing glances. Usually when Quil was brooding, Claire was the source.

"Quil, what's on your mind?" Seth finally asked.

"Hmm?" Quil looked up. "Oh nothing, it's just Cl-"

"Claire," Seth and Embry finished for him.

"Yeah it's the weirdest thing; I just….I was looking at her today. She was standing outside school with a bunch of friends, and there were these guys watching her and…." Quil trailed off.

"You got jealous?" Seth ventured a guess.

"Yeah," Quil sighed. "I did. I know I shouldn't be looking at her like that, it's not right, but today for the first time ever, I saw her not as my little Claire-bear, but as the woman she was going to become, you know?"

"Oh I know," Embry said. "She's blooming like a flower." He made a fist with his hand and then opened it and wiggled his fingers. At Quil's blank look he elaborated. "A blooming flower, my hand is the bud, my fingers the petals." He pointed at his hand.

Quil gave him a strange look. "Dude, what the hell?"

Embry sighed. "Forget it. I'm just saying she's growing up. She's not a little girl anymore."

"Embry, she's only fourteen," Quil said, a small amount of disgust in his voice.

Embry rolled his eyes. "Dude, come on. Are you serious? I mean girls her age, hell girls younger than her are getting it on all over the place. I see them all the time making out with their boyfriends at the mall, at the beach, hell everywhere."

Seth, sensing Quil's agitation, tried to stop Embry but he was on a roll.

"Quil, come on, how old were you when you lost it?"

"Lost what?"

"Well apparently your intelligence!" Embry shook his head. "Lost what. Your virginity you idiot."

Quil's eyes suddenly widened. "Oh my God," he said slowly as the realization hit him. "I was fourteen."

"There you go," Embry replied.

"Yeah but it's totally different. I mean I lost my virginity to Betsy DeMarco at Connor Johansen's birthday party. And she was sixteen."

"Quil, it's the same thing."

"No it's not!" Quil shouted. "Claire is NOTHING like Betsy DeMarco, who let's face it, had some pretty loose morals. Plus, Claire's the fourteen-year-old one here, not me. If you think about it, I'm twenty-eight."

"Not really," Seth interjected.

"Yes really," Quil replied. "I may not look it and I may try to kid myself, but I've been on this earth for twenty-eight years. I mean, imagine if Leah had been dating a twenty-eight year-old guy when she was fourteen. Would you have been cool with that?"

"Oh, I see your point," Seth sighed.

Embry shook his head. "Whatever man, try and explain it away all you want but Claire's growing up Quil. And you're going to have to start dealing with that."

* * *

"Claire, you have to get going. I promised your mom that every scrap of homework would be done by the time she got home."

Claire pouted at him.

Quil sighed. "I'm serious. I don't want Sharon to kick my ass."

Claire rolled her eyes. "Sharon is five one and weighs less than one of your legs," she stated.

"I don't care, that woman scares the hell out of me." Quil shuddered at the thought of Claire's mother.

Claire's parents had been less than thrilled when they had learned twelve years ago, that a werewolf had imprinted on their two-year-old daughter. Sam and Emily had helped explain everything to them, and had given them the choice of allowing Quil to be in Claire's life from that point on. Claire's father had been against the whole thing and had actually threatened Quil during that first meeting. Sharon on the other hand had been easier to convince. While not overly happy about the circumstances, Sharon appreciated the connection she saw between her sister and Sam, and had been the dominating factor in Quil's acceptance as another, albeit odd, member of their family.

Sharon treated Quil like a son, but never let him forget her expectations for his behavior when it came to her daughter. Quil had the utmost respect for Sharon, and thought of her as a second mother. That didn't mean she didn't scare him shitless. The first time he had broken a rule concerning Claire it had been within the first few months of the imprinting. Sharon had expressly forbid Quil from allowing Claire to wade in the ocean on a family outing to the beach. She had allowed Quil to take Claire searching for rocks and seashells, and Claire had naturally wanted every piece of shell found in the rough edge of the surf. Unable to resist giving Claire anything she wanted, he had allowed her to march through the water, picking up anything she wanted to stow in her plastic bucket. They had walked back to the family's picnic set up, both soaked to the bone. Sharon had taken one look at Claire and the gaze she fixed on Quil had caused him to actually back up several steps. She proceeded to chew him out for disregarding her explicit instructions to keep Claire dry - Claire had been battling an ear infection for a week or so - making him actually feel physically ill as she shrieked at him that if the ear infection was worse it would be his fault. Since that day, he had lived in fear of being subjected to Sharon's wrath and had towed the line with any rule she set.

"She scares you huh?" Claire sidled over to Quil and looked up at him, batting her large eyes.

Claire's eyes had always fascinated Quil. She had heterochromia, a condition she had inherited from her grandmother. Her left eye was a deep brown, but her right was a brilliant blue, shot through with streaks of hazel. He still remembered the first time he had seen Claire, the day he imprinted, being mesmerized by her eyes.

Quil cleared his throat and moved back a step. "Yep." He managed to get out.

"I wouldn't think that a big strong man like you would be afraid of anything," Claire purred, running her index finger down the front of Quil's tee shirt.

"Yep," he squeaked.

"Hmmmm." Claire looked up at him again. "That's very cute."

Quil shook his head and jerked away from Claire. "I'm serious; get your god damn homework done. Now."

He turned on his heel and stormed out of the kitchen, leaving a bewildered Claire to stare after him.

* * *

That was the second problem Quil was encountering lately. Since that first day, the day he felt his first true pangs of jealousy, Claire had suddenly started to notice Quil too. Not notice him in the way that she had her whole life, as a big brother figure who pampered her to no end, but to _notice_ him. It was disconcerting. One day Claire was treating him like her big brother, the next day she was touching him in ways that were more than sisterly, batting her lashes at him, giggling behind her hands with her girlfriends when he came into the room and overall acting like a flirty teenage girl. It was really screwing with his mind.

He had made a promise to Claire's parents and himself that he would absolutely not even consider any sort of relationship other than older brother with Claire until she was sixteen. Then and only then would they be allowed to date and only if Claire was ready and wanted to. However, her actions the last few weeks were provoking feelings in him that were too early. He found himself avoiding Claire's gaze, making a wide berth of her in rooms to avoid any physical contact, and taking very long cold showers at night all the while filling his head with as much useless garbage as possible to keep any one of the pack, especially Sam, from knowing where his thoughts had been straying. This confrontation in the kitchen was just the latest in a long string of inappropriate moments he had dealt with in the last few weeks. It was really weighing on his mind, and starting to chip away at the cement wall of resolve he had put up years ago concerning Claire.

* * *

The TV was on, but Quil wasn't really watching the program, instead staring in a daze, the screen blurred as his mind raced. He hardly noticed when Claire glided into the room and fixed him with a vampish stare.

"Hey Quil," she said.

"Homework done?" he asked, shaking himself out of his reverie.

"Not quite, I just need the encyclopedia." Claire perused the large bookshelves that were on either side of the TV entertainment center. "I know it's on one of these shelves somewhere. Oh here it is." She glanced over her shoulder at Quil and then slowly bent over to reach the bottom shelf of the bookcase.

Quil felt his pulse begin to race at the sight before him. Claire bent over at the waist, her tiny skirt covering nothing, her chaste white cotton panties just hanging out right in his face. His already naturally hot skin burned with desire as Claire slowly swayed back and forth while reaching for the book.

Quil desperately tried to tear his eyes away, to look anywhere but at Claire, but his body seemed to be completely disconnected from his mind. He could only sit and stare and pray that he died before his heart exploded out of his chest.

Claire, still bent down, glanced over at Quil again. "What's the matter?" She cooed.

Quil shook his head, but was unable to form words. Words to tell her to stop what she was doing, words to tell her to cover herself, words to tell her that they could not keep this up any longer. Nothing would come out. He was powerless. When he suddenly felt a stirring in his lap, he almost cried. This was not supposed to happen. It was sick and twisted.

Claire's eyes roamed over his body, and stopped on his obvious arousal. "Well, well," she said.

She slowly stood up and walked over to where Quil sat frozen on the couch. She leaned over him, affording him a view down the front of her V-neck sweater. He pulled his eyes away with great effort and croaked, "Claire, please."

"Please what," she whispered.

"Stop," he managed to get out.

"Oh Quil," she sighed. She straightened up, and for a moment he thought she was going to walk away, but she suddenly turned around and sat right on his lap, pushing herself against his arousal.

A groan escaped Quil's throat, and involuntarily his hips jerked up against her rear. He weakly tried to pull her up and off him, but she merely pushed back against him and his arms dropped uselessly.

"Does this feel good?" she purred, as she slowly began to rub herself against him.

All coherent thought flew from Quil's mind as she began to move faster. "We can't," he managed to gasp out, but Claire only giggled.

"Your mouth is saying no, but your body is saying something entirely different," she said, increasing her pace.

Quil knew he was in serious trouble, and willed his arms to push her off, but was shocked when rather than shove her, they moved to lock on her waist, pulling her harder against him. "Oh God," he half moaned, half cried. In his mind he pleaded for her to stop, for himself to stop, that this was so wrong, that everyone was going to kill him, if he didn't die from this first. His body suddenly shuddered violently and he pushed his face into Claire's hair and gasped his climax into the back of her neck. Claire slowed her pace and then stilled on his lap. They both sat breathing hard for a moment. Then two things happened at once.

Claire started to speak, her words hushed, and almost scared sounding. "Quil, I…" and Quil suddenly regained free will over his body and pulled her off his lap, shoving her onto the couch and jumped up, disgust clear on his face.

Claire froze at the look he gave her, her words dying on her lips, her eyes wide and brimming over with tears.

"I don't know what the fuck that was," Quil growled, "but I'm getting the hell out of here."

He was almost to the kitchen, when he heard Claire whisper his name. He stopped, his eyes closed, shoulders slumped. "Claire right now I can't even look at you," he whispered, shame lacing his words.

Pulling himself together, he walked through the kitchen and out the back door, slamming it behind him.

He managed to make it to his car before his body was wracked with such shame and guilt that he crumpled down onto his knees, spasms causing his whole body to tremble. He willed himself to not phase, the idea that one of his brothers would hear him think, see him replay what had just happened in his mind was horrifying. Slowly he got himself under some form of control and dragged himself to his feet.

He realized he left his keys in the house, on the kitchen table where he had casually tossed them. Knowing he couldn't go back in there - not where he might see her - to get them, he began to walk down the driveway. When he made it to the street he began to run.

* * *

"Hey honey, bad day at the office?"

Quil barely looked up at the bartender when she placed his drinks in front of him.

"Wow, that bad huh?" Haley Trudoe, the regular bartender at Ruby's, a small local dive, looked at Quil with concern. "What's going on with you?"

Quil sighed, "I really, don't want to talk about it," he muttered. He grabbed the shot Haley had poured him and downed it in one go. Slamming the shot glass on the bar, he motioned for her to pour another one while taking a pull from the bottle of Budweiser she had also gotten him.

Haley frowned as she watched Quil put away the bottle in just a few swallows, but poured another shot for him. He took it gratefully and threw it back. The black sambuca and tequila went down easily, he guessed because he was already pretty numb. He motioned for another but Haley shook her head.

"No way, I want you to get home in one piece." She chastised.

"I walked," Quil informed her.

"I don't care sweetie pie, you could walk off a cliff," she shot back.

Quil sighed and put his head down on the bar. "I honestly wouldn't mind that at this point," he groaned.

Haley leaned forward and put her hand on Quil's arm. "What is going on with you? You're normally one of the happiest guys I know."

Quil jerked his head from side to side, never raising it. "Not today I'm not."

"Quil, should I call somebody? I could call your boss."

"NO!" Quil's head shot up. "Do NOT call Sam."

Haley backed up a step. "Okay, okay. My God."

Quil sighed. "Haley, I appreciate you trying to help, but this is something I have to deal with alone, okay?"

Haley nodded. "I get it. No problem. I'll leave you to it." She started to walk away, but then hesitated. "Unless you want some help forgetting it."

Quil gave her a halfhearted smile. "That's what the alcohol is for honey."

Haley smirked. "You know what I mean."

"I know. And thanks but no thanks. That's the last thing I need right now. I wouldn't mind another beer though."

"Sure thing Quil." Haley grabbed another bottle and set it before him. She gave him a sad smile and walked away.

Quil sighed and began to drink his beer, sipping this one more slowly. He watched as Haley wiped down the bar, and then walked into the back through the swinging door.

Quil had met Haley almost ten years ago, the first time he had walked into Ruby's. She had been twenty-one at the time and had known right away his ID was fake, but had served him anyway. It had been two years since Quil had imprinted on Claire, and despite what he had told Jake on the beach that day - the day Jake had asked him about dating and Quil had answered that he couldn't see himself doing it - Quil had been feeling very antsy. It had been over two years since he had had sex, and even though he barely noticed girls anymore, his body was having some different ideas.

Haley had taken one look at his distraught face, poured him a drink, and managed to coax the story out of him. Not the whole _real _story, the one about him being a werewolf, and his soul mate being a four-year-old, but just that he wasn't dating anyone and hadn't for a long time. She had been friendly and easy to talk to, and while he hadn't felt any sort of real attraction to her - not that she wasn't good looking by any means - he found himself seeing her, more than he had seen any girl since Claire had come along. They had talked until the bar closed down and at the end of the night, when Haley asked Quil to go home with her, he had.

They had barely made it in her door before they were on each other, and had ended up doing it pressed up against her refrigerator. Afterwards, when Haley asked if Quil would call her, he told her he couldn't, that his heart belonged to someone else, and he didn't want to hurt anyone. Haley had smiled and said she understood. Quil had gone home that night, feeling a little guilty, but that was outweighed by how much lighter he felt. He told himself it was a one-time thing, but found himself in Ruby's the next week and in Haley's bed that same night. They had gone on that way for nearly two years, Quil showing up randomly, disappearing for weeks and sometimes months at a time, but he always came back. It was a temporary fix for him but in the back of his mind, the idea that he was cheating, on a six-year-old no less, simmered. He finally broke it off completely and hadn't been with anyone since. He hardly went into Ruby's anymore, but when he did, Haley always greeted him with a smile. How she was still single he didn't know, and when he asked her about it once, she shrugged it off and said that the only guy worth anything in La Push was spoken for.

With a sigh, Quil finished his beer, threw some money on the bar for Haley, and walked into the gloomy afternoon.

* * *

"Quil! Hey man come on, what the hell is going on?" Embry pounded on Quil's bedroom door more forcefully.

"Go away," was the muffled reply he received.

Embry looked at Seth and raised his eyebrows. "What is up with him?"

Seth shrugged. "I don't know, but when he got in he reeked of booze."

Embry sighed. "Great and he has patrol tonight. Sam and Jake are going to be pissed."

"Maybe we should call Jake," Seth whispered. "This seems kind of serious."

Embry frowned. "Let's give him a little while. He'll snap out of it. It's Quil."

"You think it's Claire again?" Seth asked.

"Who else? She's the only one that drives our little Quil to the bottle. Remember when she got her first training bra?"

Seth snorted. "Yeah…..that was a bad week."

Embry nodded. "If he doesn't surface by patrol time, we'll think about calling in the big guns."

"Where is he?" Jacob walked into the house, Embry and Seth trailing behind him.

"His room. He hasn't left it since this afternoon."

Earlier in the evening, when it had come time for the pack to gather for patrol, Quil had begged Embry and Seth to say he was sick and couldn't come.

"Dude, we don't get sick," Embry had reminded him.

Quil paused, six pack in hand, on his way back to his room. "Then tell them I'm drunk, I don't care, tell them anything. I just can't do it tonight okay, I just can't. Please."

Seth could hear the desperation in Quil's voice and stopped Embry who had started to protest. "That's fine man, we'll tell them. Come on Em."

"What the hell?" Embry exclaimed as Seth dragged him out the door.

"It's obviously something to do with Claire. Just leave him alone," Seth had hissed as they left.

Before they phased, Seth convinced Embry to put all thoughts of Quil out of his head, for all the good that did -Embry's first thoughts had been about Quil and Claire -and when they met up with the pack, he asked Jacob if they could talk to him privately after they were done. They explained Quil's absence on an emergency that came up requiring Quil to miss patrol.

Now, with the first round of patrol having been short - there hadn't been much vampire activity in the last few months - Seth had explained what he knew to Jacob, who had insisted on seeing Quil immediately.

Jacob knocked on Quil's door. "Quil, man open up." When he got no response, he turned to Embry and Seth. "Wait out here."

He pushed himself against the door, cracking the frame as he shoved it open.

Quil looked up from his prone position on the bed. "Dude it wasn't locked."

Jacob looked at the ruined door frame. "Oh…..sorry." He closed the door as best he could and walked over to Quil. Grabbing the computer chair from Quil's desk, he sat next to the bed and stared at his brother.

"What's going on man? Seth and Embry are flipped out."

Quil sighed and threw his arms over his eyes. "I can't talk about it, it's too horrible. I just, I couldn't have anyone seeing into my mind tonight, okay?"

"What happened? Did you lose control with someone?" A fear every pack member had was losing control around a person that they could hurt. The guilt Sam carried around about Emily touched them all deeply.

Quil groaned. "Oh it was out of control all right, it was fucking gothic."

"Jesus, Quil, what the hell happened?" Jacob could only think the worst.

Quil raised his arms and looked at Jacob. "Don't worry nobody got hurt or killed…yet." He covered his eyes again and barked out a hysterical laugh that died almost instantly.

Jacob just stared; afraid his friend was losing it. "Are you going to tell me about it?" He finally asked after a few moments of silence.

Quil shook his head. "No."

"Quil, we're going to know what it is eventually, so you might as well just tell me now."

Quil remained silent.

"Is it Claire?"

Quil groaned again and buried his head under his pillow.

"What did she do?"

"Yeah man what did she do, make you bust a nut?" Embry snickered from where he and Seth stood in the doorway.

"Dude you're a perv," Seth chastised.

"I asked you guys to wait outside," Jacob scolded. "Could you please get out of here?" He gave them both a dirty look.

Jacob turned back to "Quil, just….." He stopped cold when he saw Quil had resurfaced from under his pillow a look of horror on his face. "Holy shit," he whispered. "Did you, did, did….." Jacob trailed off again.

Embry immediately began back pedaling. "Quil, man I was just joking. Seriously."

Jacob stared at Quil harder. "Something happened with you two…..physically?"

"Oh my God," Quil moaned and dived back under his pillow.

Jacob took a deep breath. "Okay, man look, I'm sure it was a mistake. You just, you have to explain, you just you need…..Jesus Quil."

"I know," Quil muttered.

"You didn't, I mean she's still…."

"No I didn't sleep with her if that's what you're asking."

"Yeah, that's what I was asking."

Quil suddenly sat up, his eyes shining with tears. "Jake you have to believe me, I told her to stop, she started it, I said to stop!" He grabbed Jacob's arm. "I'm not sick, I told her to stop!"

"Quil, man no one thinks you're sick. You have only ever done good by Claire in all these years. We all know that."

"Jake," Quil whispered, his chin quivering. "She's fourteen."

"I know man, I know. It's okay though. It's fine. We don't think any less of you. Okay? She's not a little kid anymore. It's fine."

"Yeah, Quil I mean it's just like we talked about a few weeks ago, right? About Claire being a flower…..that's blooming?" Embry finished slowly.

"Dude, shut up!" Seth spoke up. "Quil man, we love you. We know you'd never do anything to hurt Claire. We have nothing but respect for you and for how you've been with Claire."

Quil gave a shuddering sigh. "Do you think Sam will see it that way?"

Jacob nodded. "Yeah, Sam will understand," he said quietly.

Quil lay back down on his bed. "Can I just be alone please?"

"Sure man." Jacob patted Quil's shoulder and stood up. "Come on guys, let's leave him alone."

Jacob ushered Embry and Seth out of the room and shut the door, trying to yank it back into the frame. "Damn." He muttered.

He walked down the hall, Embry and Seth on his heels. "Look, just give him time. He'll be fine."

Embry nodded. "Yeah I mean, it's like you said Jake, Claire isn't a little kid anymore. Hell he was only going to wait like another year anyway."

Jacob rubbed his eyes. "Don't mention this to anyone, okay? Just try to put it out of your minds. It's Quil's business and no one needs to know more about it than they already do."

Embry and Seth both nodded. "No problem man," Seth said.

Jacob walked to the door. "I'm going to talk to Sam. You two stay here and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

Two hours later Quil still hadn't emerged from his room.

Embry and Seth, sitting in the living room, had heard Quil muttering to himself and popping the tabs on his second six-pack of the evening. After a period of silence, in which they really only heard a lot of belching, they started to have a whispered discussion.

"This is getting bad, man." Seth said.

"Agreed," Embry replied. "This is worse than when Claire went to riding camp in 6th grade and was gone for a month."

"Black July," Seth exclaimed in a hushed tone. "We agreed to never speak of that again."

"Sorry, but if this is going to turn into a Black September, than I think we should pack up and move in with Collin and Brady until it blows over."

"I CAN HEAR YOU!" Quil shouted from his room. He stormed out of his room down the hallway and glared at Embry and Seth.

"Well God damn Quil you need to snap out of it!" Embry shouted back. "I mean this isn't that big of a deal. So you made out with Claire, who cares? We don't care, nobody cares!"

"You know, your lips are moving but all I hear is blah blah blah," Quil snapped.

"Get over it man! No one thinks you're a perv. It's a natural thing for two people who love each other to do some questionable intimate things. I mean Jesus, it's not like you forced yourself on her."

"No one thinks….." Quil trailed off. "The whole pack knows?"

Seth shifted uncomfortably. "It was Embry man; he thought one thing and the whole pack knew. I told him not to," he added lamely.

Quil sighed. He dropped his head and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Man, everyone understands. And the fact that you're taking this so hard, just proves that you're a stand up guy." Embry tried to reassure his friend.

"Yeah?" Quil looked up, his face haggard. "What about what I think?"

Neither Embry nor Seth had a response.

* * *

At 1:30 AM, Seth was sitting in the living room watching TV, when he heard a light rapping on the front door. He frowned, wondering who it was. Embry was back out patrolling for the night and wasn't due home for a few hours. He walked over and looked out the window. Claire was standing on the porch, hair and clothes soaked from the rain that had been falling steadily since earlier in the evening. He quickly opened the door and took in her crestfallen look. Her eyes were red and puffy, her mascara and eyeliner running in thin black streaks down her cheeks. He held out his arm and pulled her into the living room with a quick hug.

"Is he here?" she whispered.

"Yeah, he is, but Claire…" Seth paused. "He's been drinking a lot. I don't know if now is the best time to talk to him."

Claire let out a choked sob. "I have to see him."

Seth nodded. "All right. Hang on; I'll get you a towel." He walked to the hallway and opened the linen closet. As he was grabbing a thick towel, Quil's bedroom door opened.

"Hey man," Seth said. "Claire's here."

Quil's face hardened and he walked slowly out of his room down the hallway.

Claire looked up from where she was sitting on the couch. When she saw Quil, her face crumpled. She stood up quickly and then suddenly ran over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, sobbing into his stomach.

"Quil, I'm so sorry. I love you please don't leave me. Please, I can't lose you, I'm sorry, please I love you."

Quil took a deep breath and stared across the room, not daring himself to look at the sobbing girl clutching him. He kept his arms crossed in front of his chest, afraid to touch her, afraid to say anything.

Claire's knees buckled and she slid down onto the floor still clutching at Quil, wrapping her arms around his calf as she sat on the floor crying. "Please say something," she managed to get out.

"I can't," Quil whispered. "I can't say anything right now. I need you to leave, okay? Just… you have to go." Quil reached down and pulled Claire's arms off his leg.

"Quil," Claire sobbed. She remained on the floor, her arms now wrapped around her own body.

Quil felt his insides clenching into a jumbled knot, felt himself beginning to crack. It killed him to see Claire like this. She was his soul mate, his imprint, the love of his life. But she had also made him feel worse about himself than anyone ever had, and he couldn't deal with talking to her right now, not when he only felt shame and disgust about what had happened. He slowly walked back down the hallway, and said quietly to Seth, "Take her home please."

Seth shook his head. "Sure man, whatever you want." He took the towel and quickly walked to Claire. Bending over her Seth wrapped the towel around her and pulled Claire to her feet. "Come on honey, I'll take you home."

Claire leaned into Seth as he walked with her to the door.

When Quil heard the door close behind Seth and Claire, he collapsed onto the floor, gasping for breath.

He put his hands on his chest and willed himself to just breathe, but he couldn't seem to get any air. Spots formed in front of his eyes. He felt like his heart had shattered into a thousand pieces, and began to believe he was going to die right there. Suddenly strong hands gripped his shoulders and a voice spoke in his ear.

"Quil, it's okay man, just breathe. You're going to be fine."

Quil glanced up and saw Sam hovering over him. "Sam…I…"

Sam slid down onto the floor next to Quil and embraced him. "It's okay, shh, it's okay."

Quil gripped the front of Sam's shirt and with a whooping gasp, his lungs filled with air. Then he buried his face in Sam's shirt and sobbed.

* * *

The next morning, Saturday, Quil managed to drag himself out of bed. His head pounded fiercely and his throat and eyes throbbed from the crying jag he had had. Sam had helped him back into his room, all the while soothing him, telling him that everything was going to be okay. He had finally fallen into a troubled sleep. Now awake and feeling like death warmed over, he stumbled into the kitchen to get a drink, something to sooth his aching throat when there was a pounding on the front door. Quil closed his eyes and willed whoever it was to go away, he was depressed and very hung over and not in the mood to deal with any of the pack just now. He thought he got his wish until he heard someone shouting.

"QUIIL ATEARA YOU OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW! I'M NOT KIDDING!"

The sound of Sharon Ortecho's voice caused Quil's heart to leap into his throat. "Oh my God," he whispered. _This is it_, he thought, _this is how I'm going to die. At the hands of a tiny, pissed off mother._

"QUIL!"

Knowing Sharon would not leave until he came to the door, he slowly walked over to meet his doom.

He opened the door and looked down at the small woman on his front porch. She had such a fierce look on her face, Quil was glad she wasn't a wolf. He would have been taken down and ripped apart in two seconds flat.

"It's about time."

Quil swallowed hard and tried to find his voice. "Sorry," he managed to whisper.

"Well, are we going to talk about what happened?"

Quil grimaced. "Do we have to?" he choked out.

Sharon nodded. "I think we do." They stared at each other for another moment before she threw her arms up. "Are you going to let me in?"

Quil stepped back and Sharon walked past him into the living room.

She sat on the couch and watched as Quil slowly closed the front door then turned to face her.

"Come sit down," she said, much quieter. She patted the spot next to her on the couch.

Quil reluctantly walked over and sat on the couch.

Sharon half turned on the sofa and looked Quil up and down. "You look like hell."

"Thanks," Quil muttered.

Sharon smiled. "Honey, this is not as bad as you are making it out to be."

Quil stared at her, his mouth dropping open. "But I…Claire…..it's…." Quil trailed off, unsure of how to respond.

"Quil, I had to sit and listen to my daughter cry herself to sleep and the only things I've managed to really get out of her are 'Quil doesn't love me anymore' 'Quil is repulsed by me' 'It's all my fault' and 'I hate myself for what I did to him.'"

"She didn't," he swallowed hard, "she didn't tell you what happened?"

Sharon sighed. "I got the gist of it. What she would tell me anyway, which truthfully was hard to understand with all the crying. I'm gathering something…intimate happened with you two. Am I wrong?"

Quil slowly shook his head. "No," he whispered.

Sharon nodded. "I figured as much. I can't say I wasn't expecting this day to come, although I hoped it wouldn't be for a couple more years."

"It wasn't…..it's not what you think," Quil tried desperately to explain without having to _explain_.

"I know. Quil I've known you long enough to know that when it comes to Claire, you've never done anything to make me doubt my trust in you. I'm grateful for that. But she's growing up, and that's starting to affect both of you."

"Sharon, I swear I never thought of her like that, I mean not until the last few, God, I just, I never…"

Sharon smiled and patted Quil's knee. "Don't you think I know that? Honey, if I ever thought that you were thinking about her in a romantic way before now, your ass would have been in jail so fast your head would spin. When Sam and Emily first told me and my husband…."

"Oh my GOD does your husband know about this?" Quil practically shrieked. He had completely forgotten about Claire's father and what he would make of this situation.

"Quil, calm down, it may be hard to believe, but my husband and I are actually on the same page this time. Now, like I was saying, when Sam and Emily first told us about this imprinting, well you know how we felt. That first day, after you left, I took Sam aside and told him that I wanted to know every thought you had about Claire when he was connected to you. I know Sam would have never lied to me about anything you were thinking, especially when it involved Emily's niece. He told me the only thoughts you had about her were that you wanted her to be happy, loved and protected. And she was, and still is. Quil you've become like a son to me, and I know in a few years you will _be_ a son to me. Claire loves you, even if she doesn't understand what that really means yet. Girls that age, they equate love and sex as sort of a package deal, you understand what I'm saying? It's not always right and a lot of them get hurt because of it, but in this day and age unfortunately that's the way it is sometimes."

Quil nodded. "Does she hate me?" He could barely get the words out. Just saying them caused his gut to twist into a painful knot.

"Honey, she doesn't hate you. Why do you think she's so upset? She thinks that you've rejected her."

"No," Quil protested, "It's not like that at all! I just….I felt so guilty and ashamed of myself because…."

Sharon gave him a knowing look. "Because you enjoyed it?"

Reluctantly, Quil answered, "As much as you can enjoy something while mentally trying to kill yourself."

Sharon gave him a small smile. "Look, I obviously am not thrilled about this; I was hoping she would stick it out until she was sixteen. I'm not sure I see that happening now. I'm not saying that it's okay for you two to have a sexual relationship, but I don't see why you can't do a little bit of dating." Sharon paused. "Supervised dating. Quil, you're a good kid. I have a great amount of respect for you. I know that you love Claire. I know that you would never intentionally hurt her, and I know that you're upset, but you have to talk to her. You have to forgive her. I love my daughter and I can't stand to see her hurting like this. I can't stand to see _you_ hurting like this."

Sharon patted Quil's knee one last time and stood up. "Okay, I've said my piece. Now it's in your hands."

Quil stood up too. "Sharon….I just….thanks."

Sharon smiled and reached up to give him a quick hug. "You're welcome kiddo." She walked to the front door and opened it. "Supervised dating," she reiterated.

Quil smiled. "Sure thing."

* * *

After he showered and got dressed, Quil walked to Claire's house, his heart pounding the whole way. After the way he treated her last night, he wasn't sure she would forgive him. He only prayed that she would understand how he was feeling.

He let himself into the back door and glanced around. No matter what Sharon said he had no desire to run into Claire's dad until this whole thing was long forgotten. Not seeing anyone Quil walked through the kitchen, pocketing his car keys on the way and walked into the living room. He got a little jolt when he saw Sharon sitting on the couch in the same spot that his illicit tryst took place, but managed to give her a small smile.

Sharon looked up from her book. "She's in her room."

"Thanks."

Quil took a deep breath and walked up the narrow staircase. He glanced into Claire's older sister's room and saw Grace talking on the phone. Grace looked up, gave him a sneer, walked over and slammed her door shut.

"Hmm, nice," he muttered to himself.

He walked down to the next door, Claire's room. The door was closed, so he gently rapped his knuckles on the door.

He heard Claire sniffle, and a tiny voice say "Go away."

"Claire," he said quietly. "It's me, Quil."

He waited for a moment and when she didn't answer, he sighed. "I'm coming in, okay?" He waited another moment and then slowly opened her bedroom door. He stuck his head in the room and seeing Claire curled up on her bed, walked in a little further and shut the door behind him.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey."

He could barely hear her. Walking around a few piles of clothes, Quil sat on the edge of Claire's bed.

"Can we talk?"

Claire sat up, propping herself against the headboard of the bed a pillow clutched in her hands on her lap.

"You want to talk to me?"

"Of course I want to talk to you, I wouldn't be here otherwise."

Claire's face crumpled and tears began to leak out of the corners of her eyes. "Quil, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did that. I didn't mean to make you hate me."

"Claire, I could never hate you," Quil said. "I was just….you took me by surprise is all. I wasn't prepared to think about you that way yet, you know? I mean, you're fourteen."

"And you're sixteen," she shot back.

Quil sighed. "You and I both know that isn't really the case."

"You're sixteen to me," Claire said.

"But I'm not," Quil emphasized. "And the reason I got so upset is because I felt, I don't know how to say this without making it sound bad. I felt ashamed of myself. Because it doesn't feel right for me to be doing things like that with you. Not now anyway. Claire we always said we would wait until you were sixteen."

"I don't want to wait anymore," Claire whispered.

"Well we have to. I can't be with you like that when it doesn't feel right. I would end up hating myself for it."

"I don't understand why it matters! I mean we know we're going to be together, so why wait anymore? You aren't aging, and I'm not getting any younger so who cares if it's now or two years from now?"

"It matters to me. Claire, if we went by that philosophy we would have been dating when you were two. Does that sound right to you?"

Claire grimaced. "Well when you put it like that," she relented.

"It doesn't mean that I don't love you. I do. I love you more than anyone else in this whole world. I'm not going anywhere; you just have to be patient."

"_I _have to be patient, huh? What about that girl you used to sleep with? Huh?"

Quil's stomach actually tried to jump out of his body via his mouth. He was afraid to say anything for fear his entire intestinal system would land on Claire's quilt.

Claire raised her eyebrows and gave him a narrow eyed stare.

"How did you know about that?" Quil finally managed to choke out.

"I didn't until you just admitted it!" Claire snapped. "Do you think I'm naïve enough to believe you would sit around waiting for me for fourteen years? Come on, no guy is that good."

"I just, umm, I don't…that doesn't even have…..it's been almost eight years….I…" Quil sputtered, unable to form a complete sentence.

"I understand why you did it, but Quil if you did it once, how do I know you weren't going to start doing it again? I've seen the way you've been looking at me, all the time pretending that you _weren't_ looking at me. I didn't want to lose you to some other girl just because we can't be together now. I can't even stand the thought. It makes me want to die." Claire buried her head in her pillow.

"Claire, I was a lot younger and more hormone driven back then, I mean God, I just, I would never do that to you now! Ever! I mean you were six for crying out loud and I stopped. I stopped because I felt horrible for doing it. I haven't touched anyone since then and I'm never going to touch anyone but you ever again. And if I can hold out eight years, you can hold out another two."

Claire looked up from her pillow. "I was just so afraid to lose you."

"You are never going to lose me. You are the one I'm supposed to be with forever. Do you know how lucky that makes me? I got to have almost your entire life to know you. I got to see nearly every significant thing that ever happened to you and I'll get to see every significant thing that will ever happen to you. You are my soul mate. Nothing will ever change that."

"You promise?" Claire asked.

Quil reached over and pulled Claire into a hug. "I promise. I love you, Claire. You're my whole world, you know? My everything."

"I love you too." Claire pulled back a bit from their embrace and smiled innocently up at Quil. "Did my mom mention the supervised dating to you?"

Quil sighed. It was going to be a long two years.

Fin.


End file.
